After I talked Natalie out of the flowered bike for Grandpa, we settled on making him a robot. Not sure where she came up with that, but it was the first idea she had that was feasible, and not entirely selfishly motivated. It actually turned out rather well-- I covered a small box (think macaroni and cheese box with more depth-- it's a No-Pudge Brownie box, to be precise) (Also? Can I just quickly profess my deep and abiding love for the No-Pudge Brownies? Okay, parenthetical asides done now) with color-wonder paper, and she went to town with her markers. It's beautiful. I cut some construction paper strips and folded them accordian style for legs and arms, and we attached them with tape. Now, what my father will do with a home-made robot is his problem. I know a three-year-old who would happily take it off his hands.

Today I told Natalie that Sunday is Grandpa's birthday. After the usual questions ("What will we eat? Can I have presents?"), I asked her what she thought we should get Grandpa. She thought for a minute, and then answered decisively, "A flowered bicycle." And then she thought for a minute longer, and added, "I think I should get one, too." Silly kid.
We're stuck in a never-ending cycle of sickness. Nothing serious, just irritating. And it's hard to decide when to keep her home from school. She's snotty, she's coughing, but she's not feverish. Sigh. I lay in bed at night and listen to her hack. Poor babe. Poor mom. We're both tired, but we're both eager for her to go to school. School continues to be the best thing we've done, and I'm looking forward to sending her three mornings a week next year. She's thriving under the care of Mrs. P and Mrs. N, and she talks about her friends and the fun she has at school all week long. And, she's finally nailing down her colors and shapes. And, I get to study, grocery shop, and do other errands in peace. Lovely.

I have officially entered the fabulous world of unemployment. Yes, I haven't "worked" since the end of October, but now... I am no longer being PAID. Severance is done. I've filled out all the appropriate paperwork to receive unemployment benefits, and hopefully everything will kick in before the end of the month. I'm enjoying the classes I'm taking, and I look forward to actual employment again. Kind of. I'm also really enjoying the feeling that, for the first time, I'm on top of things. Our laundry is caught up. There are groceries in the pantry. Natalie and I get where we need to be ON TIME, and we have fun playing together. I'm not constantly looking at my watch, thinking I should get back to work. We're moving in three-year-old time. It's awesome. I'm able to enjoy my free time while she's at school-- I meet friends for breakfast, get my haircut, grocery shop without the kid. I've gotten a taste of stay-at-home momdom, and it's nice. But. I've done it with the safety net of my severance. As I look at our finances and look at our drastically reduced income, even with the unemployment, I feel anxious. We're making enough to make our regular bills, but what about emergencies? Like the leak in our slab ($1000), or car trouble? Not to mention the little luxuries to which we've become accustomed-- regular coffee stops, regular dinners out, little treats for Natalie when the mood strikes. I know that I'm working toward something better-- when I've completed my training, I'll be qualified for higher-paying jobs, and we'll be as financially comfortable as before. But I'll miss these quiet days with my girl, and the moments I get to myself. Even as I write this, I realize this is ridiculous in light of the trouble that so many families are facing-- it could be a lot worse for us. And I know a year from now, everything will be different. Hopefully, I'll look back at this and shake my head at my hand-wringing melodrama.
Speaking of melodrama, my girl has been particularly hilarious of late. She's a funny mix of so adorably funny I want to hug her, and so defiant and stubborn I want to strangle her. Three has been interesting. There have been more time-outs in the last few weeks than there were in the last six months. But, there have also been funny, interesting conversations. Jay and I have decided that she knows how far she can push it-- she senses when we're about to pick up the phone to summon the gypsies to take her away, and she flips the switch back to charming. She was jumping off the couch onto a nest of pillows yesterday, and when I cautioned her to be careful, she flapped a hand at me and said, "No worries, Mommy. No worries." My new mantra.

Hi. It's been a long time. I could blame the holidays. But in truth, I haven't had much to say. I've been kind of adrift of late-- not sure what I want to do with myself, in a lot of ways. However, of late, I have rediscovered a sense of purpose, and I feel compelled to write again. I'm studying again, learning-- truly, I think I'm in my element when I'm studying something new. It makes me happy to gain new knowledge, and to show I've got it down pat. Such a nerd. Natalie and I are in a more regular routine, which makes us both happy.
I'm taking the next six month to complete a course of study that will allow me to find a different job. Things will be a little tight, but I'm lucky to have unemployment to fall back on while I'm studying. My goal is to finish my studies before Jay starts school in the fall, so I can get settled into a new job while he's home to help with the transition.
Natalie turned three on Tuesday. We've celebrated for the last week. It's exhausting. We've had visitors, and parties, and general super-fun-party-time all day, every day, and I'm about to drop. Things will get quiet again by the end of the week-- this week is jam-packed with extracurricular activities, and I'm looking forward to boring old normalcy.
Ah, this is degenerating into disjointed rambling, so I'll stop. I'm trying to get back on the horse, so to speak. Hopefully I'll be more interesting, or at least more coherent, later.