I am apparently absolutely unteachable. It was LESS THAN A MONTH AGO that I was convinced Nan's runny nose was simply allergies. I was wrong. Yesterday? Allergies, I told myself. When she woke in the night hacking her poor lungs out, I smacked myself in the head and resolved to call the doctor's office as soon as they opened. (I also had a dream that someone was standing over our bed, resulting in me screaming at the top of my lungs and scaring my husband. Sorry, honey. Umm... you passed the drill! The "wake when I scream" drill! Gold star!) So we trekked to Nan's pediatrician today, and we ended up seeing a different doctor in the practice, as our beloved Dr. O was out today. Dr. D was lovely, and Nan was a perfect patient. Apparently, the allergy attack is turning into a sinus infection, and we've caught it fairly early. And when I asked if she could go to school tomorrow, the doctor said as long as she wasn't running a fever, it's fine. Hurray! Way to absolve my guilt re. dance class! Thanks, Dr. D! So now we're giving Nan antibiotics, and the doctor is calling in a night-time cough syrup to help the poor baby sleep. She sounds worse than she feels, I think, so I'm hoping it will pass soon.

Second verse, same as the first...

I took my sick, snotty girl to dance class. Again. I know. I. Know. I REALLY think it's just allergies-- no green/yellow color, no fever (this time) and it's accompanied by watery eyes and the dark allergy circles, but ugh. It's gross. I did warn the teacher that she might need to keep a kleenex handy, and I mentioned to several of the moms that she was suffering from allergies, so I didn't get the "what the hell is wrong with you, lady?" looks I got last time. I'm so tired of snot. At least she's better about using the kleenexes on her own now-- I can just hand one back to her, and she'll wipe herself off. someday, soon, she'll be able to reach the box on her own. Someday, she'll stop using ME as a handy kleenex. Dare to dream.
One of the benefits of this allergy attack is that the girl actually wants to go to bed early, so Jay and I are able to catch up on some of the new! awesome! tv shows we've been taping. Hurray! I hate to let the tivo get so clogged, and I keep deleting Nan's backlog of 'Curious George' episodes to make room for the new episodes of 'Dexter'. Hee. It feels good to delete the shows we've watched NINE MILLION times, especially when it's replaced with something awesome.

We took Nan to the free(!) kid's matinee at a local theater yesterday morning, and it was a smashing success. It was the most recent VeggieTales movie, so that was a definite plus for Nan. She's been obsessed with the bloody VeggieTales series of late. We take out a stack of the DVDs at the library each week, and by the time the next Tuesday comes around, I'm speeding to the library to drop the stack off so I don't have to watch 'Dave and the Giant Pickle' ONE. MORE. TIME. It is a testament to the wittiness and cleverness of the movies that I haven't tossed any out the window. Yet. We did manage to talk her into 'Toy Story' for our Friday night movie-and-pizza extravangaza. Or, as she refers to it, "The Messy Room Movie". Which is technically accurate, and somewhat heartning-- maybe she'll grow into being a neat freak. That would be tremendously helpful. She sat through all of 'Toy Story', rapt, and didn't touch the pizza she helped me make. We're enjoying introducing her to our favorite children's movies, and the Pixar movies have been extremely popular. Hurray!
We had to have our picture taken for the church directory this morning. I dressed us all carefully-- Jay remembered to wear a shirt and tie, I wore a basic black shirt, and I put Nan in her colorful autumn-weight dress. /I/ did her hair this morning (sorry, Jay-- your hairdos are serviceable, but not picture-worthy), and I even put on lipstick. It started badly, when she cried from our house to church (about a 20 minute drive) because I didn't have her pacifier, which is only supposed to be used at home ANYWAY, and when we got out of the car she decided to wipe her snotty, teary face all. over. my. black. shirt. Growl. I did the best I could with a damp paper towel from the bathroom, but I have a feeling that our picture will appear in the directory with a perfectly groomed Jay and Nan, and me looking rather frazzled with faded lipstick and snot tracks on my shirt. At least it's an accurate depiction of our family.

I'm writing from Nan's room. Again. It's becoming a tradition. I lay her down, I leave the room, the party hats and noisemakers come out from under her mattress, I come back into the room, sit in the rocking chair in the corner, and she zonks out within seconds. I could probably leave now, but it's very peaceful back here. No phone, no yowling cats, no doorbell... in a weird way, I've come to enjoy the twenty minutes or so of peace every afternoon. And she's getting to sleep. I've probably set up something that will bite me in the butt, but for now, I'm gonna live with it.
I had a sanity-saving evening out yesterday, with my dear friend Sue. Sue and I have known each other since I was 15 and she was 16-- nearly twenty years. She became an adopted member of my family. We would spend hours with each other every day, and then go home and talk on the phone until our parents demanded we free the line. We have remained close, and we have been fortunate enough to meet at least once a month over the last few months-- no small feat with my work/kid schedule, and her three kid circus, now with a new job added on top. We drank beer, ate delicious soft pretzels, and laughed and laughed and laughed. I felt like a new person. And then today I got to meet my friend Pam for lunch-- I feel so decadent. Outings without the child TWO TIMES IN ONE WEEK! God bless preschool, and bless Grandma, to boot. But I feel recharged, and ready to tackle my toddler anew. Not literally. Figuratively. (Earlier this week, it was literal...) I forget how much I thrive on people. My job is great, and I'm glad I'm able to stay home with Nan and work, but I miss basic human contact with people to whom I'm not related by marriage or blood. Every time I have a lovely evening out, I resolve to do this more frequently, but it inevitably falls to the wayside as life intervenes. I hope that doesn't happen this time.

This has been a long week. Like, "it's Wednesday and it feels like next Thursday" long. Construction near our house severed our phone lines (!!!!), leaving us without phone service OR, more importantly, DSL. Which meant no internet service. Which meant I couldn't work. For a day and a half. I /did/ get the laundry folded, and the dishes washed, and Nan's lunch packed for school. And I got to take a nap. But it wasn't a happy nap... it was a "there's nothing I can do so I might as well sleep" nap. Grr. I am happy to report that services are back up as of this afternoon, so I /should/ be able to get my day's work in. I'm only about four hours short for yesterday. I packed Nan up and we met my mom for dinner, and then went on to her house, where I could work for a few hours while she played with Nan and then bathed her and got her ready for bed. Yay, Grandma! Jay's deep in the throes of auditions for the high school's fall musical, so he didn't get home until late last night. I must say, I have a whole new respect for all the teachers who did so much while I was in high school. The people who directed the plays, the band and choir directors who spent hours of precious afterschool and weekend time making sure everything went well, for little to no additional compensation. Now that my husband is one of those people, I feel like sending thank you notes to those teachers. I understand the family time that was sacrificed so the show could go on. As does my poor messy house. Something must give, and in our case, it's housekeeping. Hope Nan doesn't get eaten by a dust bunny.

I write this from Nan's room. She is supposed to be napping. She is not. I am definitely at my wit's end... how can you MAKE a kid sleep? Right now, my strategy is simply waiting her out-- I sit here and glare at her every time she makes a sound, and she eventually gives up and falls asleep. This is not a viable longterm solution. I prefer not to spend an hour or more of my precious afternoon time scowling at my progeny. And that's when it WORKS... yesterday, she was napless. We were due at a family party, so we eventually gave up on the struggle. Did we set a bad precedent? Does she think she can just outwait us now? I suppose I'll find out today...


Edited:
Ok... she fell asleep about 10-15 minutes after I got in her room. Hurray! I had to wake her for dance class. Booooooo. Now I'm dealing with the shortened-nap aftermath. We have had about seventeen bursts of tears since 4:30. Jay is coming home late. Send chocolate. And liquor. And a nanny.

Yesterday was Jay's birthday, so Nan and I decided to bake him a birthday cake. Rather, I decided to bake him a birthday cake and Nan sat at the counter and looked at some cheapo shape and color flashcards I picked up at Target. His favorite is german chocolate cake, so naturally I decided to bake a caramel apple upside-down cake. (Don't worry... he'll get his cake. I plan to bake the german chocolate one for his party on Saturday.) I had some apples that were about to go bad, so after some internet searching, the caramel apple cake seemed ideal. Silly me. I thought it looked easy. I ended up with four dirty pans and apple detrius all over the kitchen. And a crabby toddler who wanted to HELP NOW, MOMMY!! Sadly, there wasn't much she could do to help-- she couldn't peel or slice the apples, she couldn't make the carmel sauce on the stove, and I mixed the few ingredients for the cake portion in my Kitchenaid. She /did/ get to press the apple slices into the carmel sauce at the bottom of the pan, and that was super fun for her. She wanted to eat the cake right away, and was a little unhappy when Mommy explained that she had to wait for it to bake. I then moved onto dinner prep-- steaks with dijon-rosemary marinade, and bleu cheese spaghetti. Nan decided to "help" with dinner, too. Sigh. It involved her dropping the flash cards from great heights, crying and trying to reach the cards, me stopping what I was doing to retrieve the cards, and repeat ad infintum. Finally, Jay finished the video game he was playing (it was his birthday-- I let him play unmolested) and coaxed her into the living room. Then, GRANDMA arrived, and she was sufficently distracted for me to finish the meal. Dinner came together well, and the cake smelled heavenly. It tasted good, too-- to everyone but Nan. She took a bite, declared it "yucky" and refused to eat anymore. (She did, however, enjoy the bleu cheese spaghetti-- I was surprised! A rather potent taste for a two-year-old.) Oh, well. More for me. And Jay, of course.

Dance class went much better yesterday. We arrived FIFTEEN WHOLE MINUTES early... take a moment, and let that sink in. I. Was. Early. This is something of a miracle, on the scale of the loaves and the fishes. Anyway. We had time to enter the studio (first ones there!), put on her tap shoes and Nan got to run around a bit before class started. She made a friend, and I enjoyed chatting with her friend's mom. (I know!) We were the only ones openly mocking our inept dancers. It's good to know I'm not the only evil toddler parent. (C'mon... 2.5-3 year olds? Dancing? It's FREAKING HILARIOUS. It's like herding cats.) And, to top it off, I wisely started a crockpot meal earlier in the afternoon, so I didn't have to run around like a lunatic to get dinner together. Woot! Pardon me while I sprain something patting myself on the back.
Today we went to library story time-- it was good, overall. Nan was enthralled by the stories, and she loved singing the songs, singing out loud and strong on those she knew. Silly girl.
We're getting into a routine, and I must say I feel relieved. I hate not knowing what's happening from day to day, and that's how it's been for the last month and a half. We're busy, but busy is good for me. Now, if I could just figure out how to live on 3 hours of sleep... don't see that happening.

Did you know that when you yell at a child for crying, it MAKES THEM CRY HARDER? No? Well, now you know. My gift to you. It was a rough morning-- we were rushing around, trying to get ready to go to school. Wait. Scratch that. I was rushing around, trying to get ready to go to school, and Nan was crying about ridiculous things. The fact that her pink bunny was in the kitchen, when she wanted it in the bathroom with her. The fact that I gave her THE WRONG CUP. The fact that I gave her Dora yogurt when she wanted DIEGO yogurt. That was what caused the yelling. Sigh. It's okay now-- we made up, she went to school and had a great morning. I met a friend for lunch, and got to feel like a grown-up for a bit. That helped a lot.
This week, I met with my monthly book club. This has been a great addition to my life. I joined last fall, when I was starting to feel disconnected from the world at large-- working from home and hanging out with a toddler all day can make it difficult to get out of the house, and I needed to find a reason to leave. I found the group on meetup.com, and I really love it. It's an interesting mix of people-- we range from 25yrs old to 65yrs old. Men and women, married and unmarried, with kids and without. It's one of the few places in my life where I'm just Nikki, not Nan's mom or Jay's wife. It's lovely. Anyway, this month the leader asked me to bring a recommendation for the group's selection for next month. Usually, Elizabeth just brings a few ideas, and we vote, but she is getting tired of doing alll the legwork. I brought forward my idea, and the group agreed that we'd read it for October. Now that it's done, I'm having post-selection regret. I chose 'Skinny Legs and All', by Tom Robbins. This is one of my very favorite books. Ever. I'm wondering if I shouldn't have chosen a book so very close to my heart. It's kind of a kooky book, and I'm afraid it won't go down well with some of the older people in the group. I hope I don't feel personally attacked when they criticize the book. I might have been better off choosing something I hadn't read before, so that I wouldn't care so much if they dislike it. Ah, well. Too late now, huh? Hopefully, they'll all love it and I won't get all hurt-feelinged. If I'm asked to choose again, I'll choose a something a little less fraught.
Ok, one quick funny Nan story. Last night, my mom was here to help out with bath/bedtime while Jay was at choir practice. Mom was sitting on the couch, and Nan came to her and said, "Stand up, Grandma! You are a princess!" Mom laughed, and stood, and asked Nan,"And who are you?" Nan thought for a moment, and said, "I 'tending to be a MAN!" And then she asked the princess to dance. So Grandma the princess and Nan the man waltzed around our living room. They're crazy.

They only had to wipe her nose ONCE....That counts for something, right???*

Yesterday, I was that mom. The mom who comes running into the dance studio, five minutes late, frantically slapping tap shoes onto her child's feet, while scraping her unbrushed hair into a haphazard ponytail. Not only were we late, but we were late and SNOTTY. If it hadn't been the first class, I would've kept Nan home. What we thought was an allergy attack was shaping into a cold. As we got out of the car at the dance studio, she sneezed and blew snot allllll over her tutu and the carseat. I wiped her off as best I could with kleenex dug from the bottom of my purse, and we headed in to class. She entered the class late, so she was hesitant to join for the first few minutes. Poor kid. All the other girls were dancing, perfectly coiffed, not encrusted with bodily fluids... and then there was Nan. When the girls had to join hands, I cringed-- I could almost hear the intake of breath from the mom of the little girl holding Nan's hand. I was so happy that the teacher only had to interrupt class once to wipe the Nan's nose. (You know you've reached a new low when that's the bright spot of the day...) So, yeah, I made a completely awesome impression at our first dance class. I'm SURE they are eagerly awaiting what we'll bring next week. Maybe a nice intenstinal virus? Perhaps pinkeye? But you can bet your ass we'll be there fifteen minutes early. And I'll have her hair in a bun if it kills me.

PS-- When we got home, before dinner, my husband requested the thermometer. Nan felt a little warm, he said, and he was right-- she had a fever of 100. Yep. I'm a model parent.

*Props to my sister for the title... Thanks, Sly!

Ok, one quick thing... yesterday, Jay was talking to Nan before dinner. "After dinner, we'll go to Daddy's school and get some books, and then... would you like a surprise?" Nan's eyes widened, and she shouted, "A PONY???" Ummmm... we were thinking ice cream. Sorry, babe.

If you have a chance to see the Ringling Brothers' Circus, I recommend you RUN, don't walk, to the nearest ticket purveyor and check it out. Seriously. It completely RULED. There were cool animals, talented acrobats, and the best of all? Human. Cannonball. Not just ONE human cannonball-- but TWO human cannonballs, husband-and-wife human cannonballs at that. (Can you imagine? What if they were fighting just before being loaded into the cannon-- would Mrs. Human Cannonball nudge the mister juuuuust enough so he'd miss the mat? Just a thought.) Nan was absolutely transfixed. Even though we pushed her over an hour past her usual naptime, and patched together lunch from the concession stand and the contents of my purse, she held it together rather well. Big drama occurred when I refused to plunk down $20 (!!!!!!!) for a piece of light-up plastic crap that they brought out during intermission. She was ok with my "no" until the lights went down again, and she saw how awesome the plastic crap was allll lit up in the dark. She was PISSED-- she wanted one "WIGHT NOW!" Nuh-uh. I told her we could check out the souvenir stand on our way out, but I wasn't going to buy the stupid wand-y thing. She was eventually transfixed by the dancing dogs, and we watched the rest of the circus in peace. After, we stopped by the souvenir stand, as promised, and she chose a t-shirt. All was well. Today, she and Jay are off to our goddaughter's 3rd birthday party. It's a pony party, held at a state park nearby. They've got a great saddlebarn, and Nan is so excited to RIDE! PONIES! I'm not joining them... I've been under the weather since Thursday, and I'm taking the day to rest, and hopefully kick this bug. I managed to hold it together with pharmaceutical help at the circus, but I was dead for the rest of the day. I've eaten next to nothing for days, and while that's been good for the scale (5lbs lost... but I don't recommend the method), my energy is nonexistent. Hopefully, a day of rest will help.

School was a tremendous success. No tears at dropoff, and she cried when I came to pick her up. She's covered with purple marker and exhausted. She had an awesome day, and I enjoyed having the morning quiet so I could get my work done. I love school. Amen.

I realize that it's just the beginning of September, but I've been giving some thought to Halloween costumes. Not for me, but for Nan. (I'll probably wear my normal disguise-- rapidly aging mom. Spot the gray hair! Note the sharpei-like droop around the eyes!) She's very taken with superheroes of late, a tendency fed by a super cool exhibit at the Children's Museum and her comic-book junkie father. When she visited the comic book exhibit at the museum, she spent a good twenty minutes running around in one of the capes provided for dress-up purposes, shouting, "Don't worry, people! I SAVE DAY!" She spends a lot of time rescuing me, her stuffed animals, and any random stranger she runs across at the playground. (The looks on the faces of her rescued victims are amusing-- they're wondering what on earth the two-year-old is yammering about as she runs at them.) Thus, I've decided Nan should be a superhero of some sort for Halloween-- but which one? There's the usual complement of female superheroes-- mostly scantily-clad versions of the guys, with "girl" appended to the end of the name-- i.e. Spidergirl, Supergirl, etc. Then, there's the iconic Wonder Woman, but Nan's a little underdeveloped to take on that unitard. We could go the 'Incredibles' route, but she's really too small to know anything about any of those characters. What to do? Enter a new-ish cartoon on PBS Kids-- WordGirl. It's clever, educational, and Nan absolutely LOVES IT. A bonus-- the costume would consist of red leggings, red long-sleeved t-shirt, some sort of belt, boots, a cape and hood. Bam. Warm enough for Halloween, and perfectly respectable. And WordGirl is super cool. She flies, has super strength, and can define any word in the English language. So perfect for my book-loving girl. (I know-- she's two. But she spends a good portion of each day poring over her books, and we have lots of discussions about what letters make what sounds. For real.) She'll be all set for trick-or-treating. Too bad I won't let her eat candy. Ah, well... she'll have to pass the chocolate over to mom. I'll have earned it by taxing my meagre sewing skills with the cape-making. Do they pass out beer? I'll need that, too, after I sew.

Today was meet-the-teacher day at Nan's preschool. It was great-- gave her a chance to see her new classroom, meet the kind ladies who are in charge of her classroom, and see the other kids. Her beloved friend E was there; I had been concerned, because I didn't see her mom at the parent orientation, but they were there today, even though Nan really didn't seem to notice her. It's funny-- she spent the whole summer asking when she'd get to see E again, and today I don't think she even played with her. I was sorry to see one mom there. This woman goes to our church (the preschool is affiliated with our church), and her son is about four months older than Nan. Her son is something of a nightmare-- super aggressive, prone to crazy tantrums when he doesn't get his way, very uncooperative-- and his mom completely ignores his bad behavior. I was really hoping he wouldn't be in Nan's class, but it looks like he will be there. I was glad to see the teacher gently reprimand him when he grabbed a toy away from another kid, as his mom wasn't really paying attention to what was happening. I know it's common for kids at this age to grab-- heck, Nan just grabbed a train from another kid at the library yesterday-- but my concern is with the fact that his mom doesn't try to stop the behavior or correct it when it occurs. Ah, well, baby's first bully experience is just around the corner, I think. Ok. Time to take off the judgemental mommy hat. Overall, I was really happy with our morning. She had a lot of fun playing with the new toys, and she enjoyed talking to the other kids. I did find a few moms to chat with, and I think I might have made a connection with one mom in particular. It's so hard to make other mom friends-- it's like dating all over again. You don't know if you should give the other mom your number-- are you coming on too strong? It's ridiculous and crazymaking, just so you can find someone to talk to at the playground on a regular basis. I found myself second-guessing my outfit as I dressed this morning, 'cause you gotta look cool for the other moms. Sigh. The best part is Nan will be at school on Friday, for the WHOLE MORNING. They will feed her LUNCH. And then they will send her home EXHAUSTED, so she'll sleep allllll afternoon. I love school.

Jay and I decided to do a bit of dividing and conquering this weekend. My mom and dad went away for a much-needed mini-vacation, so our usual sitters were not available. We both REALLY wanted to see a movie, so on Sunday, while Nan napped, Jay saw 'Clone Wars' (ugh), and I saw 'Hamlet 2' while she napped on Monday. I was a little disappointed. I was expecting the most HILARIOUS thing ever to be captured on film, based on some of the reviews I've read. And some moments were absolutely laugh-out-loud, snort your soda funny. But, overall, it was only mildly amusing. I felt like I'd wasted my precious movie-going time on a 'meh' film. And, I got that damned "Rock Me, Sexy Jesus" song STUCK IRREVOCABLY in my head. I /really/ wanted to see 'Tropic Thunder', but Jay wants to see it, too, so we agreed to wait until we can see it together. Which will be on the 10th of never, if our September calendar is a precursor of things to come. He was kind of let down by 'Clone Wars', too-- we decided later that we would've been better off if we'd just seen the same movie separately, and discussed it later. Ah, well. I got to do one of my favorite things-- I loooove seeing movies by myself. I don't have to share my popcorn, I can sit wherever I want to sit, and if I really hate it, I can leave without compunction. I find it very soothing. I know some people feel weird or silly sitting alone in the theater, but I think it's fabulous. Who cares what the other people think? Rock me, sexy Jesus.